10 Not so “Tongue-in-Cheek” Predictions for 2025
Try Not To Laugh Too Hard
In honor of going 24 for 24 with last year’s “24 Tongue-in-Cheek Predictions for 2024” (all of them being wrong) I’ve decided to post 10 Not so “Tongue-in-Cheek” Predictions for 2025! Now admittedly, I did come close on #’s 5, 6, 7, 8, 12, 13 and 14, well, sort of, anyway, so, I thought that this year, I’d do something really silly and try to actually predict what will happen this year. So here we go:
1. Jan 6 “unselect” Committee member Rep. Jamie Rat-Skin (D-MD) will protest the Electoral College Certification of (trigger warning) Donald J. Dumpsterfire’s election victory, like he does every time a Reprobate Party wins a selection and in the process this time, he’ll actually incite a real insurrection!
2. The Green Bay Packers will win Super Bowl LIX. They will also win Super Bowl LX and Super Bowl LXI becoming not only the only team to “Three-peat” in the Super Bowl era, but also the only team in NFL history to “Three-peat” three times (1929-31 / 1965-67 / 2026-28).
3. “DOGE” the Department Of Government Efficiency will find the trillions of dollars the Pentagon has been unable to account for in previous audits.
4. President Trump will pardon Edward Snowden who will return to the US as a hero and be immediately hired by Elon Musk to work for DOGE.
5. President Trump will release the JFK Assassination files resulting in the American people losing what little confidence in their government they had. To restore confidence, he will also release the Epstein “Pedo-files” resulting in mass resignations of members of congress, the Judiciary and numerous high ranking government “Deep State” bureaucrats resulting in both charges against them and the oligarchs who own them. The DOJ will also offer both P. Diddy and Jay-Z deals to testify against those named.
6. To honor the memory of JFK, the CIA will be splintered into a thousand pieces and scattered to the winds.
7. The Biden maladministration “Department of Just-Us” (DOJ) will be fundamentally transformed once again into the Department of Justice.
8. Shortly after President Trump takes office, Ceasefires will be agreed to in both the Middle East and in Ukraine. China will table their plans for Taiwan through 2028 and North Korea’s Kim Schlong Ung will put his weapons of mass destruction testing on hold.
9. The very next day, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy will abdicate, leave Ukraine with billions in cash in a private jet and seek asylum in a country that doesn’t have extradition treaties with either the US, EU or Russia.
10. The US will end all funding to the United Nations resulting in all UN related entities permanently leaving the US. From now on they can H8 and try to destroy us for free!
BONUS: With peace breaking out all over, Iran will feel threatened and start WWIII to mark the opening of “Revelation’s Second Seal!”